Joy of Missing Out

Y’all I am so sorry I have been MIA for literally MONTHS. Well, really, I’m only partially sorry.

I’ve been partially in survival mode and recently have moved into what I am affectionately calling “Burnout Recovery”.

My job was really busy for a while, springtime is fairly busy in the gardening world.
And then I got a promotion.
I moved to a new apartment, by myself for a little while and then a friend is going to move in later.

The transition has been really messy.
Balancing two jobs.
Training new people.
Admin work.
And the Murphy Law of everything that can go wrong, has been going wrong.
Broken Dryer.
Broken Dishwasher.
Ceiling leak.
Vet trips.
Got sick.
Cancelled therapy sessions.

I somehow MISSED We Hike To Heal MONTH through all this? Not entirely sure how months just go missing, but they do. I wrote a blog for that though, in April, but just published in JULY!? UGH, it’s here, if you would like to read it.

I’m so tired. I take naps. I’m a lil on the broke end right now. I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of things that should be joyful, even if I’m actually there.

But my cat purrs every time I snuggle her.
And my privacy clings bring rainbows into my room.
I am super capable at my new job.
I am officiating my best friend’s wedding this weekend.
I have been greeted with puppy kisses for two whole weeks.
My space is becoming my own.
Concert tickets have been purchased for the coming months.

I feel like this is a common theme of my writing, things are often going crazy. But there’s something that keeps shining through.

(Side note: I paused writing this to go to bed. The next day, the ceiling fell down in my apartment, I got a speeding ticket and when I got to a hotel I was staying at, THEY DIDN’T HAVE A ROOM FOR MY RESERVATION. BUT it ended up getting us a better room at a better hotel and I won a cute penguin from a claw machine, FOR FREE)

Back to the main event: even in that chaos, I was directed to something better.

I can’t lie and say that I have been the pinnacle of positivity throughout any of the things I have mentioned above. I was pissed and hangry and I definitely cried at some point (probably multiple points).

Even when I add a “but” to the sentence, “everything is going crazy BUT…”, it doesn’t negate what’s already happening.

I think for a long time, joy was talked about as something that cancels out everything else. If you have joy, the bad things just disappear.

I tried to fake joy for a while because of it. Tried to soak up the sun every chance I got. Almost exhausted by “joy”.

And now there is a different lesson about joy.

That joy is not separate from turmoil. It coexists. It comes in small bursts and nestles in my bones. It builds and expands. It pulses through my veins.

I’m not going to miss out the joy that is meant for me. I don’t have to rush and grab everything that passes me by.

I can carefully chose what brings me joy.

I can miss out on things knowing that joy is still coming. I can withstand the inconveniences and the grief knowing that they will pass and joy is right there with them.

I can rest and work and take care of myself. Taking joy in those simple moments while the world goes on. Sometimes those are the best moments.

I hope you can see the joy around you. I hope that you know that you will not miss out on joy that is meant for you. And if right now it’s hard to spot the joy, know that it will come again someday.