Can We Skip to the Good Part?
Can We Skip to the Good Part?
I sat down to write this post tonight and I sighed with contentment.
For some reason the first weekend in October has always been a time of reflection for me. Made evident by the posts I’ve posted on my personal blog over the years. This one was just WHEW. (if you go and read this post, I beg of you to not read others, I have changed so much since a lot of these).
But I guess that’s the point, and thank goodness it is. There’s a lot of low self-esteem, trauma and toxicity in the past.
In those moments, I often want to skip to the good parts.
But what I think I often miss with that mindset is that I wouldn’t nearly enjoy or revel in the good parts when they are here.
I’m not scared to say that I’m incandescently happy right now. And if you look back at even July’s post, you would see that is even a drastic change in my thinking.
But this weekend was so good that even my anxiety couldn’t ignore it.
I went to an outdoor movie with friends, I ran errands, I cleaned the apartment, I stayed up way to late watching TikToks, I worked on my project management certification, I planned my halloween costume, I wrote the wedding ceremony for a wedding I’m officiating, I went to a coffee shop, I sat down with a wine seltzer to write this blog.
And I think that if I didn’t have those previous Octobers, I wouldn’t be sitting here so happy with the mundane and extraordinary life I am building. I think I would be grumpy and discontent.
I’ve even been just reflecting on this year compared to the end of last year.
Sitting on my bed in the middle of a panic attack, begging my brain to just take a break from screaming all my worst fears and traumas.
And now, I’m almost a full year into a new job and I’m getting glowing reviews. I’m at the end of my six month health coaching. I had a Hot Girl Summer. I fully adjusted to my medications and all the extra precautions I took in the beginning have been reintegrated back into my life.
I can breathe without a weight on my chest. I can recognize my own joy, something that in past Octobers was hard to see.
I also usually hate Octobers because Halloween is so triggering for me. My trauma is often used a jumpscare and death is treated so casually. But this year, I went on a spooky shopping spree with my best friend, I’m planning a costume. I’m looking forward to celebrations and can still hold the gravity of the cycle of life.
September was National Suicide Prevention Month and 9/10 was World Suicide Prevention Day. This week is Mental Illness Awareness Week, with World Mental Health Day on 10/10.
All I want to say is, we can’t skip to the good parts, these things take time.
Slowly, ever so surely, they come together. And when we get to the good parts, nothing can take away how far you’ve come. Not a slip up, not a new medication, or a trip to inpatient, NOTHING.
I’m not saying you have to be grateful for the dark times. Hell, that’s toxic. But I’m hoping that you see the time and effort that takes to build the good parts.
good support system
All of this takes time, and the journey to get to the good parts is valuable.
I’m asking you to stay here for the good parts. Take time to see what you’re going to do with your one wild and precious life. Build this for you. Sit on the bed clinging to your legs, crying, and short breathing as long as you need to. You’ll get to the good part eventually.